I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
