Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
lets start a swedish sibling band together
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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