He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Drake has all the answers
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize