You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
