Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
