I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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