if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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