i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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