last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
