you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
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You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
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I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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