thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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