i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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