Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
