I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
