hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
