His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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