Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
