Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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