ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
