dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You are the jesus of drinking
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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