we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
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your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
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could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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