The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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