What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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