At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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