So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
