yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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