There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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