i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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