I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Your cock deserves a montage
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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