I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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