I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
