We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
