so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
