I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
