Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
pray to the hookup gods
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
