We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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