You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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