She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
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Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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