I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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