First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
