I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
