You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
