Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
