Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
pray to the hookup gods
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
