I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
