The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
