Sry I called you an 8
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
