The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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