She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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