Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i may or may not be watching the land before time
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
