Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
