this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My pussy is not your playground.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
