You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
