Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
