Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
