Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
