but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
