Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Your cock deserves a montage
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
