I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
