One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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