There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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