did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
