i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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