Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
